We’ve had a few interesting envirochondria stories this week, but this headline takes the cake.
And in case you’re wondering, no, this isn’t from The Onion.
Reportedly a new ‘science’ study has emerged from the Ivory Tower halls of wisdom which blames a not insignificant degree of global warming on oyster flatulence.
Yes, that’s right.
Oyster farts are on the increase via oyster farming and causing global havoc.
Now, the astute among you will likely conclude something similar to what we’ve all already concluded regarding CO2 and vegetation: more CO2 is better for plants.
Conversely, more people (especially those who eat oysters) equals fewer oysters. Ergo, there were lots and lots more oysters way back when global warming apparently wasn’t on the verge of ending life as we know it.
Is it just us or is there some incongruous logic here?
Here’s more from Redstate…
When it comes to oysters, most people never get beyond the question, “Do oysters do anything other than sit on a plate looking like phlegm?” But RedState readers being (mostly) of above average intelligence, I’m sure some of you have spent some sleepless nights pondering the question, “Do oysters fart?”
Apparently they do. We know this because of Science! for which we thank Neil Degrasse Tyson. Peace be upon him.
Oyster farts could doom us all to climate oblivion if more shellfish farming is done #ClamMenace https://t.co/0POy4g7aqZ
— Sam Morgan (@SamJamesMorgan) October 16, 2017
And since science tells us oyster farts are a real thing, we know they cause climate change, just like virtually everything else in the known world. Remember if you want to appear “woke” it’s best to assume that everything causes climate change and climate change causes everything. Everything bad anyway.
Plans to expand aquatic farming could have a serious knock-on effect on climate change, climate experts have warned after new research revealed that underwater shellfish farts produce 10% of the global-warming gases released by the Baltic Sea.
A study published in the Scientific Reports journal shows that clams, mussels and oysters produce one-tenth of methane and nitrous oxide gases in the Baltic Sea as a result of digestion. Therefore, researchers have warned that shellfish “may play an important but overlooked role in regulating greenhouse gas production”.
Methane and nitrous oxide gases have a far greater warming potential than carbon dioxide so bodies of water without or with fewer shellfish record lower methane release rates.